Gaddafi? Kadafi? Qaddafi?

Original Pan Am Boarding Pass

Gaddaffi is dead.  I read that headline with a mixture of feelings.  I was a student in London when Libyan operatives put a bomb on Pan Am 103 and blew up a planeload of young Americans flying home for the holidays.

In the fall of 1988 I lived in a big flat with four other guys near the Paddington train station while studying at the Polytechnic of North London. The school term ended on December 17th and we all had move out by the 21st. During the semester I worked part time pouring pints for customers at the Black Lion Pub in Bayswater. I'd really become part of the community. The regulars used to yell, "New York!" to get my attention when the place was crowded.

As they traditionally do in London, the pub provided room and board for the full time staff. The crew was made up of ex-pats from Australia, New Zealand and Peru. When I let the Governess know about my schedule, she offered me a position and said I could live and work for there for a few weeks before flying home for my second senior semester.

The timing couldn't have been luckier for me. Earlier in the month, I'd booked a flight home for December 21st on Pan Am 103. Yes, that flight 103. 

Behind the bar at the Black Lion Pub with Tania from Peru

When I was offered the full time gig with accommodations, I went to the STA Travel office on Euston Road, and changed my ticket to January 10th. At the time my biggest worry was how to explain to my parents that I wouldn't be home for Christmas.

By the time the 21st came, I'd already moved my backpack, suitcase, books and cassettes to a second floor room over the pub with a view of Kensington Gardens/Hyde Park. I was psyched to be making a little money so I could travel around England for a few weeks and spend a little more time with my British girlfriend, Karen.

The morning of the 22nd I was up early so I put on my running shoes and headed out the side door of the pub, planning to jog a lap around Round Pond in the Gardens.

I ran by the corner news-shop on Queensway and saw every London daily had the same headline: The terrorist sabotage of an American plane announced in bold fonts over pictures of a crushed fuselage and destroyed village homes in Lockerbie, Scotland. I stopped and read all I could. I ran back to my room and grabbed a few £ pounds off my dresser and bought the Times, the Guardian, the Telegraph and the Sun.

The pub was waking up, but it was a few hours before we had to open the doors for customers. I needed to read all I could before then. I had to know who blew up the plane I was supposed to be on. I shook. I made coffee and read. I knew I knew some of the Syracuse University students on the flight. I scanned the list. I didn't know anyone's name. I knew faces. This was before the digital age. If this happened today, in 24 hours we'd have every detail of every passenger along with their photos, home addresses and quotes from next-of-kin, but I only had black and white newsprint lists to stare at vacantly.

It was surreal. I was surprised that the papers were able to announce so quickly who they suspected was responsible...just like I was when I watched the Twin Towers collapse while all the media proclaimed al-Qaeda's guilt. I always wonder how they knew so definitively...so soon.

I finished my degree in Political Science at the State University of New York at Albany that next semester with no more clarity on international relations than the average American (whom, I can attest, is far less informed than the average citizen of anywhere else in the world, with the possible exceptions of North Korea and Papua New Guinea).

So now we have closure on the Lockerbie event. Gaddafi is dead. He never had to stand trial. He took to his grave the details of the crime.

He also took with him a lot of national security secrets about the CIA and MI6 using Libya for extraordinary rendition. It's amazing how easily people are gamed by governments that wish to manipulate public opinion. Good cop/bad cop/same cop. I'm glad he's dead. The US and UK governments are too, just for different reasons.